Kavanaugh & Ford, et. al.

Kavanaugh & Ford, et. al.

First of all, as a liberal Democrat one thing I realize is that a conservative will be appointed to the Supreme Court regardless of the outcome of this hearing.  President Trump is not going to appoint a liberal judge.  Earl Warren is not waiting in the wings.

Truth matters to me.  I do not desire an injustice to be done, neither to Brett Kavanaugh, or to Christine Blasey Ford.  And I don't know what actually happened.  My own experience is that I have been a victim of abuse during my adolescent years.  I also am a pastor, and as such, subject to discipline, termination, and defrocking in the case of sexual misconduct.  I know the damage mere allegations can have.  In our mobility papers we are asked if we have ever been accused of and investigated for sexual misconduct.  To acknowledge that you have been accused and investigated, even if cleared, is to jeopardize a potential call.  That's difficult.

Who to believe?  I'll give both parties the benefit of the doubt here.  My understanding is that Dr. Ford voluntarily submitted to a lie detector test prior to testifying.  Gutsy move.  It adds a lot of credibility.  She certainly wouldn't have to have done that.  As for Judge Kavanaugh, everyone seems to agree that drinking was involved.  My own experience of drinking to excess is that I would deny ever having blacked out and not being able to remember what I did.  But the thing is, you often don't remember that you don't remember.  Karla would tell you that there were times that I didn't remember.  But I have no recollection of those things that I couldn't recall.  It's very possible that Judge Kavanaugh genuinely cannot recall those events, if they occurred.

That said, a powerful, angry, and intimidating response to the charges wasn't helpful for me.  The reason being that power, anger, and intimidation are the tools of an abuser.  If you've been accused of being a raging bully, don't defend yourself by being a raging bully. 

The culture.  Here I'll share my experience of the eighties.  As a young adult I was the president of my congregation when my pastor confessed to sexual misconduct.  I was the one who reported it to the bishop.  My involvement became a red flag for my subsequent candidacy for ordination.  My candidacy committee grilled me at length about my roll.  They demanded I go immediately to Clinical Pastoral Education, where I was to deal with my issues.

During CPE we went on a retreat to the north shore of Lake Superior for evaluations.  Prior to departure we were informed of the sauna.  It was traditional during the retreat to have a clothing optional sauna with the group.  Our group consisted of five men and four women.  We were told very specifically that "if we had hangups about our own nudity, wear a swimsuit; if we had hangups about other people's nudity, wear blinders; but if we didn't have any hangups (and were truly well adjusted healthy individuals) come nude."  I was relieved that the sauna didn't work that weekend.

Three things did happen.  I was propositioned by two of my colleagues.  And, in a fitting end to it all, we got caught in a lake effect snowstorm and I, together with my four female colleagues who all chose to ride with me because I was the 'safe' one, got snowbound at Lutzen resort, where we spent the night in one room, the only room available.  An aside, one of the individuals who propositioned me went on to be convicted of multiple sex crimes and sentenced to what will amount to life in prison.

Bottom line-- there was a lot happening at that time that was inappropriate.

Having said all that, my experience of drinking, and what was made very clear during  my chemical dependency treatment, is that drinking, even in moderation, affects memory.  Drinking to excess can entirely wipe out all memory.  It's like the consciousness sedation I received during a medical procedure.  I was awake the whole time but could recall none of it. 

If I were to counsel Judge Kavanaugh in this matter (he hasn't called and asked for my advice) I would suggest the following.  First that he acknowledge his drinking patterns.  Secondly, that he would acknowledge that while drunk, he may have behaved in inappropriate ways, some of which he recalls, but some of which he may have no recollection of whatsoever.  And that finally, he respond to Dr. Ford's accusations by saying that "I have no recollection of that, but if I did do anything to harm you during that time, I deeply regret it and ask your forgiveness.  I take full responsibility for my drinking, and accept the fact that I am also responsible for my behaviors, whether I remember them or not."

Of course, there is another possibility.  That either Dr. Ford, or Judge Kavanaugh are blatantly lying.  In that case, I would wonder what in the world Dr. Ford has to gain by lying.  Judge Kavanaugh, on the other hand, is seeking to win approproval for a life time appointment to the highest court in the land and has a motive.

One final, personal note.  Accountability is an interesting thing.  Both as a bipolar person, and as an alcoholic, there are things that I have done that are symptomatic of these diseases.  To what extent am I accountable?  And to what extent was I 'out of control' because of the diseases.  With respect to alcoholism, we hold alcoholics responsible for their actions, as they chose to get drunk.  But what about being bipolar.  Is a bipolar person fully responsible for actions taken while in a manic phase?  Especially prior to diagnosis and treatment?  The latter is harder.  An alcoholic knows when he/she is drunk.  A bipolar person, especially prior to diagnosis and treatment, is less likely to be able to monitor and curb the actions that arise during a manic phase.  Their reality is just different.