Audio Heaven, Auditory Hell

Listening this morning, at this moment, to Judy Collins' version of "Amazing Grace" and other songs.  I've experienced a rebirth of my passion for music.

I'm of the generation of high fidelity sound, and stereos being an essential piece of life.  I remember the dorms at college.  To say we invested heavily in sound equipment is an understatement, to say the least.  I financed my stereo.  First loan I've ever taken out.  Around $500, or about $2,500 in today's cash.  Of course this was before cell phones and the other devices we use today.  I've been frustrated since because by comparison the sound systems that have become common do not measure up to the high fidelity sound of our generation.

Add to that my progressive hearing loss, and my love of music waned in recent years.  I just couldn't hear well enough.  Karla likes music at a reasonable background music level.  With a 50% hearing loss I can't appreciate music at that level, in fact, I can hardly tell what's playing.  I certainly cannot make out the instrumentation in the accompaniment, and not the words either.

And then there is Bose.  My new headphones have brought  me back to the seventies and the high fidelity sound of that era, only better.  No scratchy records, all digital recordings, and most of all, with Spotify on my phone I have instant access to virtually any music I want to listen to.  Last night Karla asked if we could listen to Joan Baez, "Diamonds and Rust".  That led to Judy Collins "Send in the Clowns".  All available in an instant.  It's as if I have ears again.

The struggle, the auditory hell, is that such quality of sound is only available through these new headphones.  Even with my new hearing aids everything else is like the transistor radios of the sixties, a faint line of melody woven into a background of static and noise. 

I've been thinking about hearing loss.  And I'm thankful I still have 50% of my hearing.  But still.

The headphones have been heavenly at work.  Their noise cancellation feature is truly effective.  I put them on with some music, and there is almost no noise from all the equipment.  And I don't have to play the music at an uncomfortable level.  I'm in a world of  my own.  That's also the problem.

I envision a future of ever increasing isolation due to the hearing loss. 

The frustration of not being able to hear leads one to withdraw.  "Excuse me."  "What was that?"  "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that, what did you say?"  And then, worst of all, is simply 'playing dumb' and going with the flow even though you didn't hear, don't know what was said, but just fake it.  The frustration of it all leads one to avoid the 'pain' and just withdraw.

Someone calls.  The phone Bluetooths to my hearing aids.  I can hear well.  Same thing with the headphones.  Really good hearing during phone calls.  Is that the future?  That in order to connect well with anyone I'm going to need to rely more and more on such devices.  Don't talk to me directly, call or text. . .

I'd like to be able to say hearing aids are the solution to everything.  Hearing aids are an exercise in the fine art of compromise.  Boost the base, or treble, depending on the environment.  Increase volume.  Decrease volume.  What do you want to hear?  How much background noise is tolerable in exchange for hearing everything.  The beauty of my new aids is I can do that.  But it is a matter of compromise.  Noise filtering.  OR voice clarity.  Not both.  Voice clarity means upping the treble to pick out the consonants.  The result is also that you hear an incredible amount of background noise. 

I wish Bose would combine their technology with hearing aids.  High fidelity aids.  Noise cancellation hearing aids.  I'd pay for them. 

The hardest thing about hearing loss is the ability to communicate and engage with others.  So much is lost, even with the best of hearing aids.  Now don't get me wrong, without the hearing aids there is nothing.  Thank God for them. 

I remember my grandfather sitting in front of the tv watching Bonanza with his device that played the tv audio through his hearing aids.  Such devices block everyone else out. 

I feel for Karla.  Hearing loss affects us both.  When I escape into my audio heaven to avoid my auditory hell, she is the casualty.  The good news is that I heard her speaking in the kitchen yesterday, while I was in the living room.  The new hearing aids are helping.

We can expect to live longer.  Unfortunately, living longer often means dealing with issues such as hearing loss.  The bottom line is that they could repair the mitral valve in my heart.  No such surgery to restore hearing loss. 

I wish there was a solution to hearing loss that was not just amplification.  The problem I see with amplification is that the cause of the hearing loss is also the solution, and the solution is the cause.  If you put my hearing aids on you would be overwhelmed with the volume.  And I wonder how much the volume of hearing aids exacerbates the hearing loss, even further.

Loneliness and old age.  The consequence of hearing loss.  I remember the struggles with my father who could not communicate effectively, even with his hearing aids.  He had an interesting solution.  He would have a favorite subject in hand to converse about when we called, so that he could carry on a conversation without having to hear the one he was conversing with.  So when I would call he would go on and on about the book he was reading.  This he could do, even though he couldn't hear me.

This is a depressing post. I find myself caught between heaven and hell, hearing and isolation.  But there is hope.  I can put on my Bose headphones and listen to Andres Segovia play classical guitar and hear his fingers sliding up and down the fretboard.  If Bose can produce such a quality of sound for me, then one day that high fidelity sound will be available in hearing aids.  One day.

Here's where my bipolar tendency to want to change the world kicks in.  Right now I'm thinking about how I might contact the research and development departments of Bose and Resound and get them to work together on my new Bose hearing aids.  One day. . .