It was four years ago on Easter that I wrote my letter of resignation from First Lutheran in Sandpoint, ID. It was an exhilarating experience, actually, as I shed the weight of the burden that my ministry there had become. It was as if I had died, and now was made alive.
My life changed course. What I determined was that I would now apply myself wholeheartedly to my next enterprise, Olsons WoodWorks. Optimism overflowed. I had been in business before, back in the 80's in Gig Harbor, WA. Only this time would be different. I would have the courage to make the investments needed to be successful. I immediately set out to purchase a CNC router, at a cost of over $50,000, as well as upgrading some of my other equipment. Furthermore, I invited my son to enter the business with me. Together we'd make a killing.
I had not yet been diagnosed as being bipolar. That would come shortly.
And what I certainly didn't realize was that the resurgence of my activity, and renewal of my spirit was not a 'resurrection' experience, where one who was once in the grip of death, in my case having nearly died, was now made alive. I was simply cycling into a full blown manic phase. Depression set back in in short order, though. First some neighbors complained about the noise being generated by my CNC. And second, the phone didn't ring off the hook with orders.
The depression and lack of work became debilitating. There were days I could do little else than lay on the couch. My productivity in the shop was greatly compromised. The business in the end was a failure, though I was able to create some great pieces. We simply couldn't generate enough income to pay wages, let alone realize a profit. Thankfully, at that time I remained on disability so that we had enough to survive on.
Another Easter dawns this morning. And life has changed.
There was not a resounding clap of thunder, and a wild swing from the depths of depression into a manic high that marked my regaining my life. Rather, having been medicated with Lamictal, my climb out of depression was a long and arduous journey, one day at a time. I had my disability benefits abruptly terminated, and that forced me to seek employment which I found in a cabinet shop. At times the work was shear drudgery. But that discipline, combined with plenty of therapy and medication resulted in the end with achieving a balanced mood, not too high, not too low.
I'm now able to resume my ministry. A highlight for me these last two weeks was being able once again to preach extemporaneously. No notes. No 'safety net'. Just me and the Word, guided by the Spirit. And with it a feeling that "I'm Back!"
Such is my Easter Faith in this Bipolar World. The powers of death have been defeated. Life is victorious. Faith is restored.
Its not just about keeping the manic and depressed cycles at bay, it is that these powers of darkness and death have been overcome by the gift of life.
For this I am deeply grateful.
Christ is Risen, he is risen indeed! Alleluia!
And we whose lives are hidden in Christ in God, are also raised with him. Alleluia. Amen.
