61. "There comes a point in life when you realize that when people talk about the youth in America, they are not talking about you." Yea, well, that point came and went a long time ago.
I think about aging, in part because of the death of my father this last year. To age gracefully seems like a good goal. I feel two things: One, that there is not an abundance of time left. And two, that there are many things left that I still look forward to.
I've set my sights on retirement, but not until I'm 70. Don't know if that will work out, but that seems most logical at this point. Choosing a timeline for retirement when one doesn't have a lot of resources is a bit of a conundrum. If you retire too early you may not have the funds to live as you would like to live. If you wait to long to retire you may not have the health and opportunity to do that which you've been looking forward to doing throughout your life.
I still long for a significant vocational engagement to cap off my working career. Perhaps, I've found it already. Perhaps the door has yet to open. What I am aware of is that if there is to be a change, the window of opportunity is now. Although, 60 is the new 40, right? Plenty of fuel left in the tank. Hopefully, the opportunities to go with that.
The bucket list.
I have longed for the day to be able to create 'masterpieces' in my shop apart from the restraints of what I could sell. I'd like to leave a legacy of work that will be cherished by my children, and their children for years to come. Will I have the resources to purchase the wood to do that? One example of the challenge: I shared with the kids that prior to selling my CNC I'd like to make them all a dining set. Currently, though, none of them are in a house or at a point in life that the dining set would be really useful. You got to have a dining room first. That will come with time. Can't afford the wood now, anyway.
I'd love to create something extraordinary, utilizing all my skills as a woodworker. A house. A boat. One of my long term plans was that during the first years of retirement I would build Karla and I a house, which by doing it myself, would greatly benefit us financially throughout our retirement years. The biggest obstacle to that is whether my aging body is up to that challenge.
A boat. Truth be told, spending my final years building a beautiful boat only makes sense if the kids desire to have a boat throughout their lives. Boats have a tendency to be either a prized possession or an albatros. It has been said that the happiest two days in the life of a boat owner are the day you get the boat, and the day you sell it.
And then there is ministry. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm deeply convinced that I'm not done yet. Part of that is purely personal. Throughout the twenty five years that I was under a full time call, I struggled with being bipolar, though it hadn't been diagnosed, and in the later years with alcoholism. I now am being successfully treated for my bipolar disorder, and have over five years of sobriety under my belt. I am convinced that in the right situation, I am better suited for ministry than I've ever been. I hope for the opportunity to prove that.
I love the life Karla and I have together. We can be doting grandparents, especially Karla as she has the opportunity to spend a lot of time with Jasper. How much does that opportunity to live in the same community as two of our kids and to have the opportunity to be involved daily with our grandchild play into the decisions we will make regarding the next ten years? This is a question of vocation. We are called to be parents and grandparents. I feel called to the ministry. Will one have to be sacrificed for the sake of the other? Or will an opportunity to devote ourselves to both materialize?
Hope abounds. As I turn 61 today I have a lot of hope for the future. Many things to look forward to. I am not yet at the point of saying that my best years are behind me. I still envision that the best is yet to come.
Talked with my pastor yesterday, in part about the way we evaluate our situations. It's easy to get into 'future tripping', totally caught up in thinking five to ten years down the line. I'm content with life today, sort of. What I can say is that today I'm up to the task. Each morning I begin with the conviction that "Yes, I can do this today". Where I struggle is in answering the question "Can I do this for the next ten years?"
Perhaps a more important question is what role I can play in shaping the future for the next ten years. Bucket lists don't get done if you simply live in the moment. "Find your passion, and take the first step today." That's how we create a tomorrow that meets our hopes and expectations. And don't miss the fact that simply to have hopes and expectations is to truly be blessed.
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