Tranquility

It creeps up on you.  And then one day you realize that life is well.  All is calm.

Of course, those who have been reading my blog know that it has not always been that way.

For me, one of the signs that  things are much better is that I'm not sure if I should even be writing any more, or if I do, what should I write about.  Oh, my, no crisis, no clear manifestation of this disease, nothing that I could categorize according to the six major symptoms of mania, nor am I exhibiting signs of depression.

Sleep remains a problem.  True.  But it always has been.  I met with my neurologist, the sleep specialist on Friday, and I came to a conclusion.  When I lost insurance coverage for mental illness I also lost coverage for the one medication that had showed promise of really helping my insomnia - Rozerem.  At a cost of $300 or so per month, I felt at the time that I simply couldn't afford to continue it.  Now, with the hope that our financial situation will be improving, I am more convinced that $10 a day is a small price to pay, with or without insurance, to address this one last symptom.  And to be brutally honest, sleeping through the night would substantially reduce my smoking, and the cost thereof, offsetting some of the cost of the medication.  And so I'm going to try it.

The evaluations that I'm going through relative to my health are proceeding at a snail's pace.  First, my doctors, like so many, simply didn't drop everything to submit their reports to the Synod's psychologist.  Now that they have been submitted, the Synod's psychologist is out of town for a few weeks.  That said, unlike prior evaluations, I'm surprisingly calm regarding this one.

Part of that is in the living.  The purpose of this latest evaluation is to determine if I've stabilized enough to resume pastoral ministry.  And as the evaluation is unfolding, I am already serving a congregation as a supply pastor, and anticipate that this role will become an interim pastor.  If I'm successfully engaged in pastoral ministry, then that becomes a rather significant piece of the evaluation, doesn't it?  "Can he do it?  Well, he is doing it."

And so why write a blog post?  What's to report?

It is possible, with appropriate medication and therapeutic  support, for the mentally ill to stabilize and live a normal, functional, and yes, tranquil life.

I think that needs to be said.

It needs to be said in order to provide hope for people like me, during those times when it seems like the cycling and suffering will never stop.

It needs to be said so that some of the stigma related to mental illness may be alleviated.

Meanwhile, I will lead worship and preach in a few hours.  Monday morning I will go to my job in Hayden.  I will come home after the 10 hour shift, tired, but not depressed.  I will take a quick nap.  Have dinner.  Relax,  And go to bed.  Then do it all over again.

In the midst of all this, there are those opportunities to enjoy our grandchild, (and children).

All very normal things.

Rather good for a change.