On Wednesday of this week I went and met with the psychologist that the synod had selected to review my readiness to resume pastoral ministry. It was a marathon session, lasting from 11 in the morning to nearly 4 in the afternoon. In addition to a lot of conversation with the psychologist and another mental health professional she had present, there was the MMPI to take. The strongest result of the MMPI was that I was an introvert. OK, I knew that. Roughly 2/3 of all pastors are likewise introverts.
What was most interesting was getting the results of the Strong Interest Inventory, a test aimed at getting at your ideal vocations. At first glance the results seemed to be what I'd anticipate. My five top interest areas were:
- Religion and Spirituality
- Counseling and Helping
- Writing and Mass Communication
- Performing Arts
- Mechanics and Construction
Now, my immediate reaction was that for someone with 28 years of pastoral ministry experience, who is also an accomplished musician and furniture builder, these made a lot of sense. Yep, that's who I am.
And then came the recommendation.
The top ten occupations suggested were:
- Librarian
- Rehabilitation Counselor
- Urban and Regional Planner
- Architect
- Editor
- Training and Developmental Specialist
- Musician
- Human Resources Manager
- Translator
- Arts/Entertainment Manager
Librarian? What? Where did that come from? Religious leader did show up on the list but it didn't make the top ten. Librarian?
As I shared with the psychologist, there is nothing remotely interesting to me, at all, not the slightest bit, about being a librarian, at least as I understand that vocation, and I'll admit, that my understanding of it is limited. Some of the suggested vocations make sense, though I'd question whether they were my top interests. An editor, for example, would make sense if it involved writing editorials. On the other hand, as someone who struggled more with foreign language classes than any other course work, translator seems a bit of a stretch. Were I to change vocations, I could very much see myself as a chemical dependency counselor due to my background. And at one point in my life, I was intent on becoming a professional tuba player, so that too makes sense.
All that said, at the age of 59, all this talk of "preferred vocations", given my interests, is a bit of a moot point. To retrain at this point (getting a degree in the library sciences, for example . . . ugh, the very thought makes me cringe,) would take a significant amount of time, money, and would not likely pay off in the long run. I really would enjoy being an architect, true. But I'm not about to go back to college, earn that degree, and then at the age of 63 or 64 try and break into a new career. Not likely to become the next Frank Lloyd Wright.
We did talk a lot about ministry. I haven't seen her final report, yet, though I did press her for an initial reaction to our conversation. Her primary concern that she shared was that I not relocate at this time. It is essential that I be able to continue my relationship with my health care team as I'm still quite new at this business of living with a bipolar diagnosis. That I would agree with 100%.
Another reaction that came about in the conversation, was in response to my sharing that my wife has been concerned that reentry into ministry might trigger a relapse of the bipolar symptoms. "What guarantees could you offer her?" "In life, there are no guarantees." was my response. I think that the best that I can offer, is that I now know how to respond should symptoms of mania or depression resurface. That is helpful, regardless of what occupation I pursue.
A final thought: The question came up about what precautions I might take to protect the congregation I serve from becoming a 'victim' of my manic impulses, should they arise. My response-- I'll inform them that if I put any proposal on the council's agenda that involves spending more than a million dollars, they should check with the bishop first.
Sound advice.
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