Come, Lord Jesus!

It is one thing to make the affirmation that Jesus is the savior that came into our world, and who has promised to come again.

It is quite another thing to acknowledge that we need a savior.

Yesterday I wrote about how the demands of life can push to the periphery the issues surrounding mental illness.  Sometimes there is simply not enough time to dwell on how I feel.  Just do the next right thing.  Push onward.

Last night, I tried to go back to my old medication for sleep, as it is much more affordable.  Beginning at 12:30 am, I awoke.  From that point onward sleep came in fifteen to thirty minute intervals until I arose at 3 am.

Perhaps the ability to focus on our mental health issues, and the wherewithal to devote much time and resources to addressing them is a "dubious luxury of the well to do".  But then reality sets in and interrupts our efforts to simply ignore those issues, working through them, and hoping they will simply go away.  No, this is real.  And while I currently have less time to pause and reflect, that doesn't change the impact of the mental health issues on my life.  Argh.  "Wretched man that I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?"  (Romans 7:24)

I have been struggling with the changing circumstances of our finances and  the impact of that on my ability to continue my therapy and medications.  One hope is simply that the resources will be there that would enable me to continue my therapy without concern for finances.  Is the solution to seek out prescription drug assistance through the various channels out there?  Are our finances dire enough to qualify?  Or do I fall into the crack?  Too wealthy to qualify for assistance, but not well enough off to be able to afford the meds.  These are  tough questions with no easy answers.  I find myself driven to create a solution to this problem.  I can do it.  It's just about being resourceful enough.

And then, I remember something I've learned in AA.  Sometimes the only way to be set free from those things that would bind us is via the path of total and absolute surrender.  This is counter intuitive.  Every bone in my body wants to believe that if I simply try harder, don't give up or give in,  and seek to gain the upper hand, I'll get through this.

But no one has ever delivered themselves.  Unless one surrenders, unless one recognizes one's utter powerlessness in the face of insurmountable  challenges we simply will not be open to the savior that God is sending our way.  Throughout my career as a pastor I preached about the Savior.  The most difficult thing that I've ever had to do is to believe and to acknowledge that I need a Savior.  Lord, have mercy.

And "Come, Lord Jesus!"  "Come, Lord Jesus!" because I really need you.  Advent is about one thing more than anything else, if it is anything at all.  And that is that we need a Savior.  That we cannot do it ourselves.  That everything, finally, depends on God's gracious intervention.  "Come, Lord Jesus!"