Strange title. Unless you're bipolar.
I'm making some changes in my life, entering into semi-retirement. I've left my job at the cabinet shop where I've worked the last four years, am beginning to take some pensions withdrawals, and reopening my own business.
The previous job was difficult. Up at 3:30 am, hour commute, ten hour days, home at five for supper, then bed. Day after day. Drudgery.
I'm done.
In spite of having surgery on Monday for two hernias (thanks to the heavy lifting at my prior job) I've felt better than I have in years. Really good.
Sound the alarms.
As a bipolar person one cannot help but wonder when you feel good, if you're feeling TOO good. Actually, Monday following surgery that may have been the case. Hydrocodone and acetaminophen. Norco. I reacted and couldn't sleep all night. Perhaps a bit high. I stopped after two doses. I'll put up with the pain.
But, in general, I'm excited. Really excited.
My son and I are building a shop. Lifetime dream. Its happening. Excitement. And with my reopening my business I'm buying a few new tools. Not an excessive amount. But a few. Any new tool is cause for excitement. A planer. A sliding miter saw. A dovetail jig. Oh, and I'll be building a new assembly table. Well thought out, and needed. Not breaking my budget.
But the albatross hanging around the neck of any bipolar person who actually feels good, even great, is mania. Has my chemical balance shifted?
My psychiatrist applauds the changes. She's not concerned. "Well thought out, rational choices, that make sense." Not some grandiose scheme to change the world.
And then things are going well at church. Some welcome developments that should stabilize that congregation for a good while.
So is it alright to actually be happy and excited about life? I've spent so much of my life pensive and melancholy that I'm just not sure what to do with my self and can't help wondering what's wrong.
Maybe "what's wrong" is just that every things right.
That's a change.
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