Taming the Tiger

Since being diagnosed as bipolar the lenses through which I perceive my life have changed.  As I look back on significant experiences in my life I am able to identify manic and depressive times, much more accurately than when I am in the midst of them.  Over the years I was much more aware of those times when I was depressed, though even this has not always been clear to me.  However, those times when I was in a manic episode my self perception was not that anything was wrong, but that everything was right.

Case in point:   I recently received a friend request on Facebook from someone who was part of my youth group in one of my former parishes and the memories of that time have been flooding my mind.

In the late nineties when I was serving as the pastor in Baker, MT, the neighboring congregation approached us about forming a parish as they could no longer afford to have their own pastor.  Peace Lutheran in Plevna was a small rural parish.  In addition, they had been conducting services in Ekalaka, where about ten people would gather at this 'preaching point'.  There would be a couple of ways to interpret what happened next, I suppose, and each interpretation is true from my perspective.

A very pious interpretation is that the Spirit was working overtime to do great things.  In light of my being bipolar, though, I also recognize that the tiger was awakened, and my manic side ran with the possibilities.  For starters, in the next 6 weeks we formed a parish, restructured one of the congregation's debt so that we could buy another parsonage, established an internship program and selected an intern.  As I began serving the three parishes something clicked inside of me and I determined that it wasn't sufficient just to lead three different worship services on Sunday morning, but to also preach three different sermons, each one crafted for the individual congregation.

Ekalaka, that small preaching point, really awakened a passion within me.  Prior to going to seminary I had been a member of a new congregational start, and I had determined at that time that one of my goals for my ministry would be to start a new congregation.  Ekalaka was the opportunity.

Now the national church would never, ever, choose to start a new congregation in a remote isolated rural community with a declining population.  It was in part because of this being one of the most unlikely places to be able to establish a new congregation that I embraced the challenge.  One of the ways my mania manifests itself is in attempting to do the impossible.  And so we did.

Worship services were held.  Adult instruction was offered.  A youth group was formed.  On one Easter morning we celebrated the baptism of 10 people, including three generations of one family, one of who was the young lady I mentioned before who befriended me on facebook.  Shortly thereafter, we were able to organize St. Elizabeth Lutheran Church as a new congregation of the ELCA, with somewhere around 80 members, though my memory of the exact number escapes me right now.  I was having the time of my life.  It was one of the highlights of my twenty five years in ministry.  Recently, I was able to return for the dedication of their new building.  Wow, who'd a thunk it!

Now, looking back at that time, I've come to believe that two things are very much true.  First, I do believe that the Spirit was working overtime to do some incredibly great things.  The life of that congregation is itself witness to the power of the Spirit working there.  Secondly, I believe that the tiger which is my manic side, was tamed, and became a tool that the Spirit used to help accomplish these things.

As people seek to understand what it is to be bipolar, one of the things I would most like to offer is that mania is not always a bad thing requiring hospitalization for one's own protection.  It can be.  But that isn't always the case. Sometimes, mania sees the possibilities of what could be, without being limited by 'reality'.  Sometimes mania offers the boldness to go where noone has dared go before.  And sometimes, when the dust settles, the tiger has been tamed, and it is clear that in the midst of it all, God was at work.