Vietnam

I build things.  I love to get the creative juices flowing.  And when everything is said and done, I feel a great sense of satisfaction.

Last year I created this table and chairs for a client in Southern California.  I'm very proud of it, and the client was very pleased with it.  My client has many business contacts in Vietnam and recently returned from a two month visit.  He had the opportunity while there to do some sales pitches for my work.  He identified 15 potential customers who were interested in buying a dining set like this, for a cool $55,000 a set.  Run the math on that and no matter how you add it up it amounts to a whole lot of money (and work).  And there are a lot of logistics to work out.  Its not a done deal by any means.

Mania alert.  Mania alert.  Mania alert.

Actually, I would be much more capable of embracing this challenge if I was in a manic phase.  But then, there are those defined symptoms of this disease, a few of which are:

•          Tendency to show poor judgment, such as impulsively deciding to quit a job
• ·      Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity -- unrealistic beliefs in one's ability, intelligence, and powers; may be delusional
• ·      Reckless behaviors (such as lavish spending sprees, impulsive sexual indiscretions, abuse of alcohol or drugs, or ill-advised business decisions).

  So, lets see, having the bold confidence to quit my current job, greatly expand my business, and pursue this business opportunity, believing in my own abilities to carry it off, may be a good response to a golden opportunity that came knocking at the door.  Or, it may be a manifestation of a manic episode.  I only wish that such opportunities came with a set of flashing lights:  green for GO!  red for STOP!  and yellow for proceed with caution.

Add to this mix the fact that, as I've recently written, I am considering returning to parish ministry in some form or another.  

"Dear God,

If its not too much to ask, a burning bush experience would help at this point in time.

Thanks,

Dave"

Some thoughts:

1.     I have not thrown caution to the wind in this situation.  I realize that any decision relative to such a huge business endeavor must involve some very serious safeguards to be in place.

2.     Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Whether I consider an opportunity to re-engage in parish ministry, or to pursue this business endeavor, there will by necessity be some risks involved.  And those risks would be there even if I was absolutely normal.  

3.     It is reasonable that someone with my talents should pursue those opportunities where my gifts are utilized.  To do so is not a symptom of a manic episode.

4.     The one thing that I do lack, because of this disease, is the confidence in my own judgement.  

5.     I am still seeking to resolve my disability claim.  A huge question is whether being bipolar continues to adversely impact my ability to work.  Both of these opportunities may be a baptism by fire that test that question.  

To be faced with such decisions is one of the things that is most difficult to handle because of this disease.  There is a risk of poor judgement.  "$55,000" may inflate my self-esteem and grandiosity.  And pursuing a business endeavor of this magnitude may be ill-advised.  

Of course, it may also be that all of my hard work and creativity is finally paying off, and I should simply do the logical thing and capitalize on the opportunity.

One thing I'm thankful for is that 4 years ago I would have made this decision with a Scotch double or two or three in hand.  Whatever the decision will be, at least it will be sober.