An End to Righteousness and Purity

"I will never again curse the ground because of humankind, for the inclination of the human heart is evil from youth; nor will I ever again destroy every living creature as I have done.”  Genesis 8:21

The early chapters of Genesis offer to us explanations for some of the epic questions of life.  One of those is the question of evil, and why God doesn’t act to wipe evil off the face of the earth.  Never again.  Following the flood, God’s resolve is that such an act of judgment will never again happen.  The reason is that “the human heart is evil from youth”.  In other words, if God were to destroy evil, there would be no end to the slaughter as at one level we are all inclined to wickedness.

And yet we offer up one lament after another for the wickedness that remains part of the human story.  This week was a bad one.  Two major assaults.  Bombs sent to Democratic leaders and activists.  And then there was the mass shooting at a Jewish house of worship in Pennsylvania. These seem to be at least in part politically motivated-- the work of deranged minds.  Are they at least in part the result of the harsh political divide in our country?  Yes, but it’s too early to come to conclusions.

Sometimes these acts of violence have had no motivation whatsoever, except to do evil.  At other times there is a motivation, a belief that somehow these acts are justified and serve a greater good.  The gunman believes that he is acting ‘for the good of all’ by destroying those who are responsible for the problems in society.  Early indications are that the gunman at the Jewish temple believed that Jews were responsible for the “invasion” of immigrants from South America.

Historically, one of the most pervasive causes of evil is ironically the belief in a utopian future.  If only certain people were overcome or eliminated, then evil would be eradicated from the earth.  Stalin purged the Russian population in the name of establishing a utopian socialist society.  Hitler believed that the eradication of the Jews would solve Europe’s problems and bring about a better world.  It was the “final solution”.  It is the belief that a greater good is being served that justifies acts of evil.  As people pursue a pure and perfect society, inevitably entire classes of people need to be eliminated for the sake of that purity.  And even in our country, Native Americans were seen as an obstacle that needed to be overcome in the building of this nation.  My ancestors were the direct beneficiaries of this effort as they were given land to homestead following the Indian wars.

If there is a solution to this, it is that we accept each other and the world as imperfect.   And part of that is accepting a rich diversity, not a pure unity. 

In the political realm this means embracing the give and take of a multiple party system.  Republicans and Democrats need each other’s perspective as correctives to their own.  The opposition party is not an impediment to progress, but an essential part of that.

Within the Church this means practicing love, forgiveness, and a reconciled diversity not a purified righteousness.  When metal is purified, the dross needs to be burned off.  This metaphor, though used in the bible, actually can never work in the church.  If we seek to purify the church of sinners, in the end nothing is left. 

That’s why in the history of salvation God decided to pursue the path of forgiveness and acceptance, not purity. 

At the end of the Bible, in the book of Revelation, we have a description of the final battle against the forces of evil.  One of the lessons of that is that evil will remain part of our world until the end.  No amount of effort on our part will be able to create a ‘pure’ society.  Instead, to live well means living with each other, faults and all.

We cannot solve the problem of evil in the world.  What we can do on a day to day basis is simply to love and accept one another, even in our differences.  You are not always going to agree with me or me with you.  Nevertheless, we are both part of the Church and the society.

As a church we are called to love one another.  As a society we need to practice civility in public discourse and relationships.  And we need to accept that this is an imperfect world that can never be purified.

Resolving Anger

Thankfully, negative emotions like anger do not last forever, or at least should not last forever.  We can dwell on them, perpetuate them, and allow them to simmer.  Anger can turn inward.  It can also transform into a hatred.

A friend responded to last week's blog by asking how we deal with those negative emotions that often lead us to overeat, smoke, drink and otherwise engage in self destructive behaviors.  In addition such emotions also can lead to harmful actions against our neighbor that destroy relationships and in the worst cases, are harmful to others.

I've stewed about it.  I've smoked, and drank till I could do so no more.  And then I've stewed some more, ruminating into the wee hours of the morning for days on end.  Thankfully, I think that I've learned something through many years of therapy, through Alcoholics Anonymous, and simply through self reflection.

Here are my thoughts:

Name it.  One of the least helpful ways to deal with anger is to not deal with it, to deny it exists, and to internalize it all with the hopes that it will just go away.  I was not given permission to be angry when I was growing up.  In general, emotions were considered weakness.  One of the most difficult things for me to distinguish early in my therapy was the difference between emotions and thoughts, and to name the emotions.  "I think" was often followed with an emotional outburst.  "I feel" often led into a thought or a judgment.  Getting those straight is part of naming.  I think that our immigration policy is unjust and cruel.  I am angry that children are taken from their parents and that we still are unable to reunite them.  My thoughts and my anger are two separate things.

Own it.  One of the most important lessons I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous is that my emotions are mine, and mine alone.  They originate within me.  I am never a victim to my emotions.  Others don't "make" me mad.  I experience emotions because I am who I am.  I may resent others or their actions, but the resentment is mine.  I react in this way, for example, because of a disparity between personal convictions about how things should be, and the reality of how they are.  Injustice shouldn't be, but it is, and so I react.  But the reaction is mine.  I am not an emotional victim.

Discern.  There is a difference between righteous anger and unrighteous.  I get angry when innocent people are hurt.  Child abuse, for example, results in my being angry.  I also get angry when I don't get my own way.  The first is an example of righteous anger, the latter of unrighteous.  If I discern that my anger is just because I don't get my own way, perhaps I can let it go and experience a more appropriate emotion, such as disappointment.  Also, righteous anger more appropriately has as its object actions, not people.  When we focus on the people, we risk emotions becoming more intense.  Anger becomes hatred, and hatred endures.  For example, I am angry that a teacher abused me during my adolescence, but if I allow that anger to become a hatred toward him, it will consume ME.

Act appropriately.  Regarding my history of being a victim of abuse:  I remember that it wasn't until my own children approached the age that I was when I was abused that I was able to recognize and name my own abuse for what it was.  I became angry.  I imagined killing anyone who did that to one of my children.  Not appropriate.  To work at freeing victims from abuse, protecting children from abuse, punishing the perpetrators of abuse appropriately through legal means-- these are appropriate actions.  I believe that righteous anger's appropriate role is to motivate action.  But not just any action will do.  "Appropriate" is the key qualifier here.

Let it go.  My memory is one of my curses.  I can name something my wife did within the first twenty four hours of our marriage that I got angry about.  We've been married over forty years.  If I dwell on it, I can resurrect that anger.  Not good or helpful.  When I forgive someone, I become free.  The greatest impact of forgiveness is on the one doing the forgiving.  By the time I recognized that I was a victim of abuse, the abuser was dead.  Eventually, I was able to forgive him, or at the very least, I'm working on it.  But that forgiveness is important for me-- he's dead and quite unaffected by it.

In all of this, a good friend, a spiritual guide, a confessor helps.  In A.A. we have sponsors.  For some people it will be a pastor.  I've used a therapist extensively.  The primary purpose is to have someone who can help who is not blinded by an emotional fog.

Related to this is prayer, at least for people of faith.  Prayer, when offered for the one whose actions have resulted in our being angry, can help.  It can change our attitude and our emotions.

Self destructive behaviors do not help.

This became clearest for me my last night drinking.  No matter how much I drank, the rage I was experiencing did not go away.  It was persistent.  My "solution" nearly killed me.  I hope that I'm in a better place now and more capable of dealing with those emotions.

I am my Dad

Perhaps all of us, in one way or another, have had that experience where we opened our mouth and our father, or mother, came out.

For a long time, due to various resentments from childhood, and yes, simple adolescent rebellion against the image of my father, I focused my own self understanding and identity on being different than my dad.  Many instances, many choices, made specifically to be different than the dad I knew.

I hug and kiss my children.  That's an experience I never had growing up.

As a pastor I've striven to be grace oriented, and avoid the pitfalls of my father's pietism and yes, legalism. 

As a craftsman, I sought to advance my work to the highest standard, far beyond what my father accomplished. 

OK, so in some of the nuances of life I may have distinguished myself from my father.  Having said that though, a casual observer might note that I have mirrored my father's life in my own: a family man devoted to providing for and caring for my wife and children, a pastor dedicated to ministry, and a self taught craftsman committed to the belief that whatever the task at hand, 'I could figure it out'. 

My sense of Call and willingness to serve where ever the Church has asked me to serve, is a legacy from dad.  He built furniture for the family, a boat, and a home.  Dito, though I worked with him on building his place, not my own.   Oh, and I realize now that aside from the hugging and kissing, we have showed our love for our family in some very similar ways. 

And  then there is the physical stuff.  We both had our mitral valves repaired.  We've both struggled with mental health issues: dad being a bit OCD, me bipolar.  And hair for hair our heads are a reflection of each other, balding but never completely.

I recognize my own failures, similar to my dad's.  I tell myself I've been more expressive of my love for my children, but wonder if I've truly communicated that to them.  I hope I've been clear that I love each of them, am proud of each of them, and indeed consider them to be my greatest gift to the world.  Pat myself on the back.  But then I also realize that Dad went out of his way on several occasions to communicate that to us as well. 

One of the most poignant moments for me with my dad, was during the last few months of his life.  He stated, upon seeing my grandson Jasper run to my arms, that one day he hoped Jasper would run to him as well.  Dad was wishing he could be more like me. 

I am coming to realize that one aspect of being at peace with myself, is to be at peace with my dad.  That's a twofold statement.  To be at peace with my own failures involves forgiving dad for his.  And to celebrate my own successes is to affirm the values and abilities that are a legacy from my father.

There are regrets.  I allowed a distance to develop between my parents and I in the final years of their lives.  I was too busy.  I made a specific decision that I would not spend every vacation I had fixing up and maintaining the lake place so that my siblings could enjoy it as their vacation place.  But probably the greatest distance came as a result of my personal struggles.

I humor myself this morning with the thought that when we were sick as children, my parents were not the dotting nursing type.  I recall basically being put to bed, and being left alone to rest and recover.  This may not be totally fair to them, but to this day if I'm sick I just want to be left alone.  I'll come out when I feel better.

It was hard to let my parents care for me throughout the last couple of decades as I struggled with depression/bipolar disorder.  There was part of me that just wanted to be left alone.  I didn't allow them the opportunity to show me how much they cared.  There were a few instances, however, that their concern broke through.

My mother, reflecting on my needing psychiatric care, stated that "she might have benefited from such care had it been available to her in her life."  And then there was my father who read this blog like a best selling novel.  "You should write a book." he would tell me.

Perhaps God got it wrong when he gave us the commandment to "honor our father and mother".  Perhaps instead the commandment should have been to "forgive our father and mother."  And perhaps, they are one and the same thing.

But this I know, that we can never be fully at peace with ourselves if we are not at peace with our parents.  You can spend thousands of dollars on psychotherapy, but it all boils down to that.  The acorn doesn't fall far from the oak.  And those genes didn't come from nowhere.

Finally, I will say this about mom and dad.  Their marriage was a mating of mom's compassion with dad's convictions.  I've joked that I inherited my dad's heart (and mitral valve failure) and my mother's deteriorating knees.  I hope that a more profound inheritance is the compassion of my mother and the convictions of my father, wed together as one.

Graceful Communion and the Alcoholic

A friend posted an article on Facebook yesterday on the history of using individual glasses for communion as opposed to all drinking from the common chalice.  The essence of the article was that concerns regarding the transmission of disease were one reason, and another reason was racism, that is not wanting to drink from the same chalice as black people.  The latter reason is certainly plausible, especially in places such as the deep South where separate water fountains, etc., were common place.  It would not have been the reason, though, in the many of the Lutheran congregations that adopted the practice for the simple reason that out on the prairies of the Dakotas and Minnesota the congregations were simply not in any way multiracial.  Simply a fact of history and immigration.

What it raised for me, however, is the issue of communion practices as it relates to people such as me who are alcoholics.  I wonder time and time again if people understand. 

Zero is zero.  That's the first thing one should know about alcoholics and communion.  There is not one chemical dependency professional, not one, who would suggest that consuming small amounts of alcohol is OK for an alcoholic in recovery.  Read the entire big book of Alcoholics Anonymous line by line and you will never find even a hint that would suggest that small amounts can be consumed without consequences.  Even non-alcoholic wines contain some alcohol.  Not good.  Zero is zero.

The issue is NOT that we can't tolerate alcohol.  Trust me, my tolerance for alcohol is sky high.  I built up a tolerance for alcohol over years of heavy drinking.  I could consume the entire amount of wine served on a typical Sunday morning without feeling a buzz.  Tolerance?  Hell, there is not a non-alcoholic out there that I couldn't drink under the table.  Tolerance we have.

And the issue isn't even withdrawal.  The amount of alcohol consumed in communion is not likely to produce in me withdrawal symptoms.  I may be wrong as I 've never tested this proposition.  But my gut says no, I wouldn't experience withdrawal after drinking such a small amount.  No shakes.  None of the other deeply troubling symptoms associated with detoxification. 

Well what is the issue then?  It is relapse.  You see, this is the way an alcoholic's mind works.  If I can drink a sip of wine at communion without feeling any effect, if I can do so and not experience any withdrawal symptoms afterward then I will convince myself to seek the limit.  Maybe consuming non-alcoholic wines and beers is OK even though they contain up to 1% alcohol.  And then, the next step is wondering if I can consume a beer or a glass of wine.  Hey, when I was drinking heavily beer and wine did nothing for me.  If it had no effect on me while I was drinking, would it harm me now?

The problem then becomes life threatening.  You see, alcoholism doesn't go away with sobriety.  It continues to progress.  If an alcoholic resumes drinking, even after years of sobriety, they do not revert to a time when they could drink moderately.  They will seek the buzz.  But the toleration is so high that a prodigious amount of alcohol is necessary to produce the feeling.  And even the smallest amount of alcohol can awaken the craving.

During my treatment they related the story of a woman in Coeur d'Alene who successfully went through treatment in her early twenties and went on to have a great career in business.  With 42 years of sobriety behind her she decided that having half a glass of wine with dinner would not harm her.  Eight weeks later she woke up from an alcoholic blackout in an Italian hospital unaware of how she got there.  She had been found, literally in the gutter, licking up the wine she had spilled when she opened a bottle by breaking off the top, and with significant lacerations in her mouth from drinking out of the broken bottle.  Point being, even after decades of sobriety even a small amount of alcohol can indeed hurt you.

Back to communion.  I can't drink any alcohol.  Some would say that I should be content with just the bread then.  That may work for some people, but for me, it just doesn't feel right.  I feel excluded.  It feels incomplete.  Our church has a historic tradition that says withholding the wine from the communicants is not OK, unlike the Roman Catholic tradition.  But most of all, when a church offers only wine and disregards the needs of the alcoholic, what it says to me is that I'm not welcomed and cared for in that place.  I will not return.  I get the message.  And if every Christian congregation had that practice I would simply not be Christian.  I will not compromise my life for the sake of insidious piety.

I don't mind that alcohol is offered at communion as long as there's a non-alcoholic option for me.  Ironically, I've found bars to be far more accommodating of my need for non-alcoholic options that some churches are.  But my alcoholism is no reason for others who are not alcoholic to refrain from responsible drinking.  I have the problem.  All I ask is that you understand that.

What can you do to gracefully welcome the alcoholic at the communion table?  Here is what has been helpful to me.

1. Offer the wine and grape juice in such a manner that I don't have to tell my life story to opt for the grape juice.  It doesn't matter if I'm pregnant (not likely in my case), or on medication, or alcoholic.  Just offer the wine and grape juice and let me make a choice.
2. Don't make me decline one to choose the other.  One server at my home church is so intentional in offering the wine, that he holds it out to me and has already started saying "the blood of Christ shed for you" before I have the chance to say "No" and move on to the grape juice.  
3. If you serve wine and grape juice in the individual glasses in trays, rather than the server taking the glass out of the tray and handing it to me, just let me (and all communicants) take the glass they prefer.  This avoids being offered the wine and having to say no, give me the other.
4. My Synod has started offering grape juice at a separate location.  That helps in that I don't even  have to smell the wine.  Not necessary, but helpful.  I will also note that many use this station even though they don't need the grape juice.  I don't feel singled out by the practice.
5. Make sure it is clear which is the wine and which is the grape juice.  If you are communing with red wine, offer white grape juice.  If you commune with white wine, offer red grape juice, and make it clear in announcements which is which.
6. Welcome the stranger.  I may be visiting in your congregation.  You don't know what I need.  In my current congregation our communion preparer has the tendency to set out grape juice for the specific number of people that normally use it.  Add plenty extra for the visitor.  Please.
7. And finally, glutton free bread should be offered for those who need it.  See all of the above.
8. There are some churches that offer only grape juice.  This certainly makes it easier for the alcoholic, but in keeping with the tenants of Alcoholics Anonymous, I do not suggest it.  Normal people shouldn't have to alter their life because of my problem.  Just allow for me.

In Luther's Small Catechism it is said:  "These words, "Given and shed for you for the forgiveness of sins," show us that in the Sacrament forgiveness of sins, life and salvation are given us through these words.  For where there is forgiveness of sins, there is also life and salvation."

When I am offered grape juice, I experience forgiveness.  When I am offered grape juice, I choose life over the death that alcohol threatens me with.  To receive the grape juice as opposed to wine, is salvation for me. 

When an alcoholic is welcomed at the table, it is priceless for them.  We are as a whole well aware of the sinfulness that dominated our lives during our drinking days.  Guilt is part of that, and our journey toward health requires that this guilt be dealt with.  We do it through the fourth and fifth steps.  The Confession of Sins and the Sacrament of Holy Communion offer to us the promise of God that goes beyond what the fourth and fifth steps offer.  This is pure grace.