Growing Older

Inside every older person is a young person wondering 'What the hell happened?'

I feel like that some days.  I have a lot of muscle and joint pain.  I'm not sure what's up, if anything.  That's the internal debate.  Am I just aging?  No, something is not right.  Are you sure?  Everybody has aches and pains.  And on and on the saga goes.

My legs.  I have deteriorating knees.  That I know and I've already had one surgery to cut out a significant portion of the meniscus in one knee.  Dr. says that I don't have significant arthritis in the knees, but, they are sore.  My hips haven't been feeling much better of late.  And then I have this muscle pain most pronounced down the back of my legs and calves.  Sciatica tends to be one side only.  This is both sides.  Feels like a constant low grade cramping.  When I stand up it feels as though I have to slowly stretch out the muscles again in order to stand without pain. 

So I wonder.  One of the things my mother suffered from was hypothyroidism.  And she had much of the same issues.  This is not as common among men but it leaves me wondering.  I also wonder about side effects of some of the  many medications I take.  Or is it just the consequence of putting in ten hour days on my feet on concrete floors?  Or maybe this is just what 62 feels like.

I will probably go to the doctor.  I am skeptical about the outcome. 

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I continue to explore the possibility of going back into business.  Olsons WoodWorks.  I enjoyed being in business and have significant investments in tools, etc.  The challenge is to make a living at it. 

One of the things that is frustrating is the difference a screw makes.  Yes, one measly screw.  If I build a cabinet that is screwed into a house, it qualifies for financing and people are OK with the expense.  If I build furniture it is a cash basis, because there is no screw attaching it to a house.  That same screw also results in the necessity of a contractor's license.  Part of the frustration is that I love making dining room furniture.  Contrast the difference between a table and chairs for a dining room, versus the kitchen cabinets.  I can get a lot more money for the cabinets.  The dining set, however, is more work and finer details.  Bottom line, I'll have to do cabinets as well as furniture to make ends meat. 

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And retirement.  Part of the consideration about going back into business is that I now have the option of supplementing my income with my pensions.  I found out this last week that Portico Benefits doesn't deal well with the concept of semi-retirement.  I'd like to draw on my pensions, but am still employed by a congregation part-time and they pay for my benefits, including health insurance.  The tricky issue is that health insurance is not normally included for retirees because it is assumed that you will be on medicare.  "Retired but without medicare" is a special underwriting category that is more expensive than anything else.  Argh!

The solution is to simply take withdrawals from my pensions without formally retiring.  Another advantage of that is that I only need take what is necessary. 

Complicating all this consideration is the caution regarding bipolar decision making.  My wife is doubly cautious as it has been known to happen in the past that I've made decisions fueled by my disease that weren't always in the best interest of our well  being.  Let it suffice to say caution is in order.