I drank alone, alot. Two major reasons for this were that I didn't frequent the bar scene, and my wife hardly drank at all. Add to that the fact that I was drinking myself to sleep at night, and you end up with a lot of solitary time with a bottle.
And yet there were also those social occasions for drinking with some of my closest friends and colleagues. A friend and I would get together once a week for a couple of Scotches and dessert. And gatherings with my ministerial colleagues would almost always involve some down time, often in a hotel room, with an abundance of alcohol to fuel the conversation.
For an introvert like me, such occasions were deeply appreciated.
One of the things I looked forward to was having adult children who would drink with me. This was, I suppose, a reaction to having a wife that never would.
There were some opportunities to have my sons in particular as 'drinking buddies'. A six pack on the golf course. And then one infamous night at a hotel room somewhere in the middle of North Dakota when my son decided he'd match me drink for drink. Ha! He was drinking whiskey sours, I was drinking straight Scotch, and in short order he realized that he was blitzed and I was still going strong. You'd think that perhaps I'd built up a significant tolerance. . .
When I went through treatment my family supported my sobriety by never drinking in my presence. And to the best of my knowledge there has not been any alcohol in my house since that time. I appreciate that.
In recent years, I have found that I don't mind being around people who are drinking beer or wine. It's only whiskey's pungent odor that I react to. I call it a "cravulsion", a simultaneous craving for and repulsion to the smell.
Last night, as we are all gathered for the holidays, a second gathering took place at my son's house. No big deal and to be expected, afterall, there are now two Olson households in town. My assumption is that a bottle of wine or a beer or two were shared. Earlier we had enjoyed a prime rib dinner at our house. There's part of me that wishes that they would feel comfortable now having a glass of wine with such a meal. They chose to share one later. That's alright. And truth be told, I'm such an early to bed person and an early riser that I'm not interested in much socializing late at night. That said, it brings up an issue in our society for people such as myself who live in sobriety.
So much of our social interaction takes place around alcohol that it can be difficult to stay connected in sobriety. Not impossible, just difficult. I cannot imagine gathering together with colleagues in a hotel room while they drank heavily and I sipped on a juice or soda. One thing is the reaction to the smell. Another is that the company of those who are inebriated is just not enjoyable anymore. Let's just say that contrary to a drinker's self perception, drunks are not nearly as profound as they believe themselves to be. I speak from my own experience.
Yet there was an intimacy to those gatherings. I do miss that.
Now, when I have gone to meetings of my colleagues in ministry I spend much time alone, either in my room, or in the lobby, waiting for someone sober to talk to. There are not always a lot of options.
In our society a lot of social interaction takes place around alcohol. Alcoholics in recovery are faced with choices. Either they learn to interact with those who are drinking without compromising their own sobriety, or they gravitate toward a new group of friends who don't drink. With family its a different matter. Except for whiskey, I'm OK with moderate drinking in my presence. What I'm aware of is that others are more uncomfortable drinking in my presence than I am having them drink in my presence.
The bottom line is that it is a balancing act. On the one hand, no one else is responsible for my sobriety. That is my responsibility alone. I am the one who can no longer drink. Yet those who have been considerate of my condition are greatly appreciated. The only thing that is not appreciated is the solitude that comes as an inevitable result.
And yet there is a more positive side. I no longer sleep alone.
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