Having received the report of the psychologist that recently evaluated me, I find myself seeking discernment. What do I make of it all, and how can I best utilize the advice offered there. I've already shared that there are some things that came out of this process that I am, oh shall I say, humored by. That my number one vocational choice, according to one test, is to be a librarian floored me. Not on the radar screen. Nope, no way, no how.
There are other suggestions within the final report that seem good on the surface but which are easier said than done. Re-evaluate the condition of my knees, considering a second opinion, to the end that I might pursue an intentional exercise program to reduce stress. OK, so that sounds good enough, but a psychologist's opinion about the state of my knees pales in comparison to the agreement of two orthopedic surgeons, one of whom operated on me. I have a degenerative condition. The old knees are going to continue to get worse. The menisci are wasting away. Eventually it will be bone on bone. In the mean time I've been told to hold off as long as possible, and then will come the process of injections, followed by knee replacement. It makes extensive exercise a challenge.
Its not that I'm adverse to exercise as a means of dealing with stress, cardiovascular health, or even my depression and insomnia. I used to walk hours at night to unwind. Just ask the people in Baker and Thompson Falls, some of whom called the police to report the "prowler" walking the streets late at night. I probably logged ten miles a night during those times, even in the dead of winter.
The struggle now is that I have a choice. If I exert myself with exercise, my knees are so sore that it is difficult to make it through the next day's work. One activity pays the bills, the other doesn't. You choose. . .
I will have to admit that I also take the importance of intentional exercise with a grain of salt. You see, when I was working a desk job, the importance of physical exercise was pretty straight forward. Today, I'm putting in 10 hour days doing physically demanding labor. I may not be "exercising" but I'm quite physically active.
The importance of reducing stress is not lost on me though. Its just that there is more than one way to skin a cat. Walking may help cope with it, but I've found getting at the root of it is even more important.
One development that I wouldn't have predicted is the effect of "diversifying my portfolio", to coin a phrase. Necessity required that following my resignation from my last call, I find ways to survive financially. For a while I had disability benefits, I was working at my own business, and thankfully, Karla had a good job. When disability benefits stopped, I was able to find a job in a cabinet shop, which together with the business and Karla's work, met our needs. And currently, I have also received an offer to re-enter ministry on a part time basis.
The net result is that our livelihood is no longer dependent on any one thing. Our eggs are no longer all in one basket. I am amazed at how much that has reduced the stress that I experience. There will be something to fall back on if changes should occur.
All this is to say, that some very good goals came out of the evaluation (being a librarian, excepted!!), but how I pursue those goals may be different than suggested. But then, that's what discernment is all about.
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