If the hypo-manic state associated with Bipolar II was sustainable I'd never seek treatment. Never. If somehow a bridge could be constructed to pass from one peak to another without having to descend into the valley in between, life would be good. Especially, if one knew for certain that the hypo-manic state would never progress into a full blown manic episode. It's the crash into depression that is the occasion for many, including myself to seek treatment. And because its during the depressive cycle that people seek treatment they are often misdiagnosed.
A word on that from my experience. It was in 1998 that I first sought help. My initial diagnosis was dysthymia with major depressive episodes. It took my psychologist a year to convince me that I was depressed, in part because I was functioning at an incredible high level, able to work 16 hours or more a day, sometimes, even, round the clock. Looking back, I believe that I was diagnosed with depression during the tail end of a hypo-manic period, when I was experiencing frustration with some of the stumbling blocks that were getting in the way. Eventually I did crash and burn, which tended to confirm the original diagnosis. However, in the years that followed the depression kept recurring, until finally, beginning about three years ago two different psychiatrists suggested that perhaps, as with many, I was not experience recurring bouts with major depression, but rather was Bipolar II. Part of the problem diagnosing Bipolar II, is that instead of a full-blown manic episode, a person with Bipolar II experiences a hypo-manic episode that may appear to be nothing more than a period of extremely productive, creative, goal oriented activity. I am convinced today that the Bipolar II diagnosis is correct primarily because of my experience of the continual cycling from periods of high functioning 'euphoria' to debilitating depression.
And its not that I experience a clear, absolute, distinction between the phases of my cycles. Its more convoluted than that. With respect to depression/hypo-manic cycle I experience three different cycles. I've described this like the waves on the ocean. First you have the ocean swells, that are very long in between the peaks and valleys. And then, on top of the swells, there are the more distinguishable waves, or the 'chop', that are much shorter in length. And finally, on top of the waves or chop, there are the ripples cause by the wind. In my experience, the swells are cycles that may be a number of years between the peaks and the valleys. I'll have extended periods of time that are high functioning, during which I am highly ambitious, self driven, etc.. Then, sometimes slowly, sometimes suddenly, I descend into a long period of depression. Within those long term cycles I experience ups and downs in my moods that last, not years, but months. I feel somewhat better, or somewhat worse. And then I have in recent years noticed a rapid cycle that occurs daily. I awake, often way too early, but feel great and can be quite productive. But then about 3 or 4 in the afternoon it is like the San Francisco fog roles in. And a deep darkness descends. I find myself anxiously waiting for bedtime, just so that it will be over. It should be noted that the highest highs, and the lowest lows, occur when these three cycles come into alignment.
I have also become aware of the manner in which a few words, or a simple event, can trigger a rapid and powerful cycling. I realized just the other day that my most powerful hypo-manic episode and my most powerful depression were each triggered by similar comments/actions by the same woman! (No, this was not my wife.) I can be riding a high, pursuing grand plans with an overwhelming sense of purpose and calling-and then someone, or some circumstance gets in the way and becomes a roadblock. And without warning, violently, I descend into a dark depression. Likewise, a few words or a perceived opportunity to pursue a major goal or objective can flip a switch, and just like that, it's game on, get out of the way, because here we go.
One final note, and for me this is the most frightening aspect of this disease. As I look back over my life, it progresses. The highs get higher, the lows get lower. And the shifts in between the two have become more sudden and pronounced. And dangerous.
And its not that I experience a clear, absolute, distinction between the phases of my cycles. Its more convoluted than that. With respect to depression/hypo-manic cycle I experience three different cycles. I've described this like the waves on the ocean. First you have the ocean swells, that are very long in between the peaks and valleys. And then, on top of the swells, there are the more distinguishable waves, or the 'chop', that are much shorter in length. And finally, on top of the waves or chop, there are the ripples cause by the wind. In my experience, the swells are cycles that may be a number of years between the peaks and the valleys. I'll have extended periods of time that are high functioning, during which I am highly ambitious, self driven, etc.. Then, sometimes slowly, sometimes suddenly, I descend into a long period of depression. Within those long term cycles I experience ups and downs in my moods that last, not years, but months. I feel somewhat better, or somewhat worse. And then I have in recent years noticed a rapid cycle that occurs daily. I awake, often way too early, but feel great and can be quite productive. But then about 3 or 4 in the afternoon it is like the San Francisco fog roles in. And a deep darkness descends. I find myself anxiously waiting for bedtime, just so that it will be over. It should be noted that the highest highs, and the lowest lows, occur when these three cycles come into alignment.
I have also become aware of the manner in which a few words, or a simple event, can trigger a rapid and powerful cycling. I realized just the other day that my most powerful hypo-manic episode and my most powerful depression were each triggered by similar comments/actions by the same woman! (No, this was not my wife.) I can be riding a high, pursuing grand plans with an overwhelming sense of purpose and calling-and then someone, or some circumstance gets in the way and becomes a roadblock. And without warning, violently, I descend into a dark depression. Likewise, a few words or a perceived opportunity to pursue a major goal or objective can flip a switch, and just like that, it's game on, get out of the way, because here we go.
One final note, and for me this is the most frightening aspect of this disease. As I look back over my life, it progresses. The highs get higher, the lows get lower. And the shifts in between the two have become more sudden and pronounced. And dangerous.
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