Loose Cannons

There are days that Canada looks good.  Real good.  Days that test my faith, a faith that holds that God, and God alone, is King of the Universe and in control.

After Trump was elected one of my parishioners said that he believed "Trump would be good for the country."  My response was "That I hoped so, but feared that instead he is a loose cannon, and that nobody, even within the Republican Party, really knows what he will do and is capable of doing, or the harm that will be done." 

I no longer fear that Trump is a loose cannon, it is blatantly obvious.

As a bipolar person I know something about being a loose cannon.  One need only look back upon a  manic episode to observe that "I didn't see that coming."  When one is in a manic phase the mind races out of control and reasonable critiques simply don't resonate.  Ask my wife.  The end justifies the means.  Grandiose visions dominate.  No risk is to great to take.  My father-in-law used to say "hit where you look, don't look where you hit."  The problem for a bipolar person is that you tend to fire first, and then survey the consequences later.

Thankfully, my own tendencies to be a loose cannon were not played out on a global stage.  There was a significant personal cost.  The $50,000 CNC I bought to jumpstart my business is $50,000 that is no longer in my pension account.  Maybe one day it will prove to have been a solid business decision.  But more likely the most it will offer is an outside chance of 'making the best of it'.  It is a massive luxury, and didn't result in the highly profitable business I envisioned.  But you couldn't have stopped me then.  And I'm hesitant to unload it now, still hoping that I can redeem the choice.

One of the things I learned in the process is that reason plays no part, even though the person who is in the manic phase may actually be able to make a convincing case for the course of action.  I mean, hey, I convinced a lot of people over the years to follow my lead when I was in a manic episode.  Having said that though, 'reason' was a means to an end, but not the primary factor in my motivation.  I now understand that as a bipolar person I am, when in a manic phase, hardwired for certain types of activities.  It's hard to accept that my fantastic plans and visions are the result of chemical interactions in my brain, and unpredictable.

Karla has always been the cautious one in our marriage.  Even today, knowing everything I know about my condition, submitting to her caution is difficult, in fact, extremely difficult.  She's not totally opposed to my endeavors.  She just has the desire to secure the cannon before firing it. 

Trump needs a Karla. 

Like a bipolar person in a manic phase Trump has his grand vision of how to "Make America Great Again".  Great presidents, though, all have the capacity to surround themselves with people smarter than they are, and follow their advisor's collective advice.  Visions need to be grounded in reality. 

In the maritime world, captains of ships surrender the control of their vessels to local pilots when they must negotiate hazardous waters and dock in harbors.  One simply cannot be an expert navigating every passage way around the globe.  Trust those with the specific knowledge needed.

The Ego gets in the way.  One of the most  difficult things for me  to admit, as I seek to restructure my life in light of my diagnosis, is that I need a pilot.  The Ego says that I've been a pastor for thirty years, I need no help.  Yet I do.  Caution is warranted, albeit, such caution is most difficult to implement when every fiber in one's being says "Go for it."

I have those who are looking out for me.  Their job is to minimize the damage that I might do were I to make spontaneous decisions that look good in the moment but which may have disastrous long term consequences. 

That is what Trump is lacking.  Fire now, and review the damage later.  Play the lute while Rome burns, and worry about rebuilding later, hoping that reconstruction can improve on what was but is no more. 

I do see one positive outcome of Trump's propensity for being the ultimate 'loose cannon'.  And that is that the world will no longer allow the United States to be the uncontested leader it has been for the last few decades.  This is no different than the potential in my own marriage that we will now make decisions that are more mutual than before.  Our partnership is taking on new dimensions.

The unpredictable nature of our national diplomacy on issues such as Iran and North Korea may end up opening the door for others to solve the problems, apart from us.  Our failure to act definitively on global issues such as the environment may lead other nations to eclipse us.  I'm actually hopeful in that regard.  The collective wisdom of the nations of the world is probably much better than simply following the shifting winds of American political perspectives.

I can see this.  But then, I'm the crazy one.  Perhaps being 'crazy' merely means that we will not conform to the insanity of the world around us. 

Who's crazy?

Time and time again when our country faces the aftermath of another mass murder you hear choruses of people blaming mental illness for the shooting.  "We don't have a gun control issue, we have a mental illness issue."  OK, well either way, we have an issue.

I've heard it said by military folk that "if you believe military weapons are available to the general public, you don't have a clue what the military has for weapons."  That said, some very impressive stuff is available to the general public.  Consider for example this Barrett Barr M107A1 .50 BMG Centerfire Rifle.

I picked this out because its the most expensive semi automatic rifle Cabelas sells.  A fifty caliber bullet.  Easily a quarter mile range, probably a whole lot more.  A price tag of $12,000.  I have the feeling that one would want to make sure one's tree stand is solid before letting off a few rounds.  There are probably some people crazy enough to take this on a deer hunt.  But it's not really a hunting rifle.  Let's be honest about that.

Now, personally, I think anyone who buys such a rifle for hunting IS crazy.  But such weapons are not of the type responsible, and normal, hunters buy.

But if you want to sit back and take pot shots at a crowd of people from a thousand yards this is your gun.  The question is who would want to do that.

Well, apparently a certain number of people would.  If we define a person who is angry enough to kill as mentally ill, then I suppose we can say that we have a mental  illness problem.  But to blame that portion of the population that has a mental illness diagnosis for the mass murders that are taking place is misguided.  The vast majority of those with mental illness are not a threat to anyone except, in some instances, themselves.  

We have a mental illness problem.  Yes, we do.  People don't understand mental illness.  One issue is that people don't recognize the difference between a rage, and mental  illness.  When people fail to deal with their anger issues in a healthy manner they can spiral out of control into a rage, a violent, uncontrollable anger. Yet that is different than being bipolar, or depressed, or schizophrenic.  

The real issue we have regarding mental illness is the availability of mental health care and affordability of the same.  It can take months to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist, and a single visit can cost upwards of $500.  That's a challenge, especially if one does not have insurance that covers mental illness.

Should the mentally ill be allowed to purchase guns?  I can speak for myself.  I got rid of my guns under the counsel of my doctors.  "It has been clinically proven that one is more likely to die of a self inflicted gunshot wound if one actually has a gun."  It's just not a good combination to be depressed and own guns.  But I was never a threat to anyone else.

What I think is insane is allowing weapons such as the .50 caliber piece above to be so readily available.  Who needs such weapons?

Hunters do not.  Even those who want to have firearms for self defense do not.  I cannot imagine anyone being able to identify a 'threat' at a thousand yards and legitimately kill them in self defense.  And one hardly needs a fifty caliber rifle to defend one's self against an intruder in your home.  

If you're a drug lord in Juarez you may have need for one.  I wonder how much they spend at Cabelas?

There is a reason these are called assault rifles.  And not 'defense' rifles.  Or 'hunting' rifles.  Or even 'target' rifles.  It's because the only legitimate purpose for them is killing at a long range.  With overwhelming force.

Are the mentally ill buying such guns?  Well, there is an easy solution if that's the problem.  Require someone to submit to an mental health evaluation before allowing them to purchase such a weapon.  It won't work though, because we don't have enough psychiatrists and because the people buying these weapons are not mentally ill.  My guess is that aside from drug cartels, most of the people  buying assault weapons are merely gun enthusiasts.  They think its cool being able to blow up a watermelon at a thousand  yards.  

These same people, could they afford it, and were they available, might like to collect Abrams M1A2 tanks.

But back to the issue.  Who is really insane?  A bipolar person who is struggling to maintain a balance in their moods?  Or an entire culture that insists on making available weapons that have only one legitimate purpose, and that is killing at an incredible distance? 

Crazy world we live in.  You can buy some pretty incredible weapons online.  It's like making LSD available as an over the counter drug.  And people think I'm the crazy one.