Aging Well

In a few weeks I'll turn sixty two.  Retirement is now a choice.  Not necessarily a good choice at this time, but a choice nevertheless.  If I retired today I'd be able to match the income I've been making from my cabinet making, but not from my church work.  Delaying retirement will bring up my income to the point where I'll be able to match my total income.

But with my background it's nice to know that retirement is an option.  I have sufficient equity in my home that if I really needed to retire I could sell this home, purchase a less expensive home, and be able to live frugally.  For example, I could pay cash for a home in Otis Orchards where my church is.  There's some freedom in knowing that is an option.  My continuing to work is a choice, not a necessity.  I choose to continue working so that we can live in Sandpoint, not Otis Orchards.  We like it here.

I'm thinking about aging more these days.  Last night we had steak for dinner.  Karla and I shared one.  And we couldn't finish it. Senior portions.  And then there is my sleep patterns.  Early to bed, early to rise.  This is so foreign to the pattern I established over the course of my life.

And then there is the death of my father.  Both mom and dad are gone now.  This fact came front and center for two reasons this month.  On a trivial note, I deleted their contact information from my phone.  That was unexpectedly an emotional experience.  Secondly, the estate will settle this month.

I suppose the joy of being a grandparent also leads one to consider aging.  As does the simple fact that our children are more and more prone to 'help out' mom and dad.  And we are more inclined to accept their assistance.  I also notice this in my work at the cabinet shop.  I can still lift heavy sheets of plywood by myself.  But you know what?  If there is a young buck walking by at that moment I'm not at all hesitant to ask for and receive help.  I don't have to prove my manhood anymore.  At least not by lifting 150#.

It seems to me there is a fundamental choice that we make at this time in our life.  Do we devote ourselves to preserving our youth, or aging gracefully.

To dye or not to dye.  That's the question many women face.  Karla has chosen to wear her grey hair as a badge of honor.  She earned it (living with me!).  Fun fact-- gray can be spelled either gray or grey, it's not black or white.

To work out or not work out.  My doctors would like to see me exercise more.  I struggle with that because of my knees (and just about every other joint).  I'm on my feet and physically active at the cabinet shop.  If I overdo it exercising at home I suffer through sore knees at work.  What really bothers me is stairs and walking on uneven surfaces.  Too soon for replacements.  I'm reminded of my grandmother who never went upstairs in her home.  The children would be instructed to change the sheets when they stayed, and bring down the dirty sheets when they left.  Grandma would wash them, and put them on the steps for the next visitor to use.

Contentedness.  I'm neither 18 or 88 at this point.  I'm at peace with that.  I look forward to retirement, but I'm not desperate for it either.  When the time comes, I'll retire first from the cabinet shop and spend my time in my own shop doing furniture for my family and improving our home.  And then, I'll retire at a later date from the church I serve, depending of course on whether my call there lasts that long.  All in due time.

In woodworking, the greatest satisfaction comes from seeing the finished product.  In life I think the greatest satisfaction I've experienced is from seeing my children reach adulthood and turn out to be such wonderful people, each in their own right.  You don't get that experience when you are 28.  It's the exclusive privilege of aging.

So rather than lament the fact that I'm getting older, I'm rejoicing in the fact that my adult children are now becoming my friends.  That is truly a blessing.

61, And miles to go before I sleep. . .

61.  "There comes a point in life when you realize that when people talk about the youth in America, they are not talking about you."  Yea, well, that point came and went a long time ago.

I think about aging, in part because of the death of my father this last year.  To age gracefully seems like a good goal.  I feel two things:  One, that there is not an abundance of time left.  And two, that there are many things left that I still look forward to. 

I've set my sights on retirement, but not until I'm 70.  Don't know if that will work out, but that seems most logical at this point.  Choosing a timeline for retirement when one doesn't have a lot of resources is a bit of a conundrum.  If you retire too early you may not have the funds to live as you would like to live.  If you wait to long to retire you may not have the health and opportunity to do that which you've been looking forward to doing throughout your life. 

I still long for a significant vocational engagement to cap off my working career.  Perhaps, I've found it already.  Perhaps the door has yet to open.  What I am aware of is that if there is to be a change, the window of opportunity is now.  Although, 60 is the new 40, right?  Plenty of fuel left in the tank.  Hopefully, the opportunities to go with that. 

The bucket list.

I have longed for the day to be able to create 'masterpieces' in my shop apart from the restraints of what I could sell.  I'd like to leave a legacy of work that will be cherished by my children, and their children for years to come.  Will I have the resources to purchase the wood to do that?  One example of the challenge:  I shared with the kids that prior to selling my CNC I'd like to make them all a dining set.  Currently, though, none of them are in a house or at a point in life that the dining set would be really useful.  You got to have a dining room first.  That will come with time.  Can't afford the wood now, anyway.

I'd love to create something extraordinary, utilizing all my skills as a woodworker.  A house.  A boat.  One of my long term plans was that during the first years of retirement I would build Karla and I a house, which by doing it myself, would greatly benefit us financially throughout our retirement years.  The biggest obstacle to that is whether my aging body is up to that challenge.

A boat.  Truth be told, spending my final years building a beautiful boat only makes sense if the kids desire to have a boat throughout their lives.  Boats have a tendency to be either a prized possession or an albatros.  It has been said that the happiest two days in the life of a boat owner are the day you get the boat, and the day you sell it. 

And then there is ministry.  I don't know what the future holds, but I'm deeply convinced that I'm not done yet.  Part of that is purely personal.  Throughout the twenty five years that I was under a full time call, I struggled with being bipolar, though it hadn't been diagnosed, and in the later years with alcoholism.  I now am being successfully treated for my bipolar disorder, and have over five years of sobriety under my belt.  I am convinced that in the right situation, I am better suited for ministry than I've ever been.  I hope for the opportunity to prove that.

I love the life Karla and I have together.  We can be doting grandparents, especially Karla as she has the opportunity to spend a lot of time with Jasper.  How much does that opportunity to live in the same community as two of our kids and to have the opportunity to be involved daily with our grandchild play into the decisions we will make regarding the next ten years?  This is a question of vocation.  We are called to be parents and grandparents.  I feel called to the ministry.  Will one have to be sacrificed for the sake of the other?  Or will an opportunity to devote ourselves to both materialize? 

Hope abounds.  As I turn 61 today I have a lot of hope for the future.  Many things to look forward to.  I am not yet at the point of saying that my best years are behind me.  I still envision that the best is yet to come. 

Talked with my pastor yesterday, in part about the way we evaluate our situations.  It's easy to get into 'future tripping',  totally caught up in thinking five to ten years down the line.  I'm content with life today, sort of.  What I can say is that today I'm up to the task.  Each morning I begin with the conviction that "Yes, I can do this today".  Where I struggle is in answering the question "Can I do this for the next ten years?"

Perhaps a more important question is what role I can play in shaping the future for the next ten years.  Bucket lists don't get done if you simply live in the moment.  "Find your passion, and take the first step today."  That's how we create a tomorrow that meets our hopes and expectations.  And don't miss the fact that simply to have hopes and expectations is to truly be blessed.