The lion sleeps tonight

In the jungle, the mighty jungle

The lion sleeps tonight

In the jungle the quiet jungle

The lion sleeps tonight

Near the village the peaceful village

The lion sleeps tonight

Near the village the quiet village

The lion sleeps tonight

Hush my darling don't fear my darling

The lion sleeps tonight

Hush my darling don't fear my darling

The lion sleeps tonight.

(Songwriters: HUGO PERETTI, GEORGE DAVID WEISS, LUIGI CREATORE)

     There is no lion's roar waking the primordial fears within.  Just the silent solitude of a world wrapped in darkness.  And a glimmer of light in the nighttime skies.

     Daylight savings time.  And then the return to normal time.  And the darkness of winter.  Perhaps I need a sun lamp, a full spectrum light in which to bathe.  This much I know-- that my sleep disorder doesn't adapt very well to change.  The rest of the world may "fall back" as daylight savings time comes to an end, but my system seems to be locked in.  My 8 pm bedtime is now 7.  And where I used to wake about 2 am, it is now 1 am.  

     Sometimes I'm able to return to sleep, or on weekends, nap.  Saturdays, after my rather busy week, I'm talking real power napping.  Actually making up sleep from the week prior.  I may have two, two hour naps by the time breakfast rolls around at 8 am.  And then, another after breakfast.  But the hours of my falling asleep, and rising, appear to be locked in now at 7 and 1.  

     Yet the "lion sleeps tonight".  No primordial fear.  The desperation and despair of depression are not present.  Neither is the drive and passion of mania.  Just the sweet solitude of the early morning.  

     Time alone used to be feared.  I was not a safe companion for myself.  Rumination ruled the restless hours.  Reliving a thousand times the lion's roar.  The soul shaking, trembling.  Precariously perched on the precipice.  (Hows my alliteration doing. . .)

     Rumination has given way to contemplation.  I write as in a journal.  You, even in silence, are my therapists.  Sometimes the train seems to pick up steam.  My thoughts turn to the saving activity of my manic side.  Most recently I've been seeking to actively use Facebook to promote the congregation I serve.  A boosted post, over 300 people reached, a dozen or more 'likes', a five star rating.  And I wait to see if this activity will mean visitors in worship.  Grandiosity knocks at the door.  And then fades again.

     Dreams have been interesting.  I seem to get locked into repeating over and over again a task at work.  Remaking the same part, time after time.  I wake sometimes, just to get a break from the relentless task that my dream world has taken on that night.  Ironic that the dreams that fill my sleeping are so filled with working that I need to wake in order to rest.  

     Another random thought from the silence of the night.  I've experienced in recent years significant hearing loss.  I wear hearing aids.  Without them there is a constant ringing in my ears.  But with them, the ringing, the tinnitus, subsides.  I need my hearing aids to listen to the silence.  Strange, but true.  

     Amid it all, the waking at night, my wife is concerned.  "How are you doing, emotionally?"  "Don't get up."  "See if you can just fall back asleep."  There is an understandable fear that the insomnia is a symptom of the return of depression or mania.  Could be either.  Except for the peace.  Quiet peace within.  And so I sing,

Hush my darling don't fear my darling

The lion sleeps tonight.